Mental Health + God’s Love
It’s officially been a year since my mental health started to deteriorate. In the fall, this looked like a tiny lessening of good habits. A lessening of grace-giving, causing situations to turn into frustration here and there. A surprise at how my mind was processing the brokenness that life throws at us.
By February, I had quit journaling all together. Scrolling social media had taken priority to reading a good book. Sadness was frequent. Self-focus became a constant. Repeating negative thoughts to myself, increased each week. Everything was harder to accomplish. Exercise was lacking. Then COVID-19 started.
Tears would frequently overwhelm me at various times of the day.
Motivation went missing. This came as a shock because my normal personality is full of motivation and new ideas.
Indecision touched everything. Anger and control spewed out of me towards others. Grace was missing for myself and towards others.
Looking back, I saw signs in September 2019, but didn’t know to call it depression until May 2020. It can take a lot of time for the pieces to form a clear picture.
But it was at the same time in May that I was able to start looking for the good, again. It’s like turning a cruise ship around. It happens slowly, wave by wave. Prayer is the rudder.
Slowly, my interest in new ideas returned. Motivation started to appear infrequently at first. It was maddening that I could not will my mental health to return at the pace I desired.
Here I sit a year later, 25 pounds heavier, with the realization of what I’ve been through and the glimmer of light giving me hope and growing stronger. I feel grace starting to flow back into my head and heart.
I have a God that loves me, shown through a community that cares. At Cedar Hills, we are the kind of people that care. Others were able to reach out and take hold of my hands (as the body of Christ) when it felt like the waves would overwhelm me. Thank you for the grace and bits of encouragement that were offered throughout my year. Whether you know it or not, each encouraging breath uttered was like a nudge back towards health.
If you are in a mentally difficult spot, I am happy to meet with you. Ultimately, the only solution to mental health is to open your heart to God’s love. This can be done by allowing people that care to share God’s grace and truth.
Connection & Communication Architect