I’m Pretty Bull-Headed

I’m still waiting for that perfect moment. When our paths cross, when a smile is exchanged, when some sort of acknowledgement happens between two glances to signal to each party that this is a salvageable relationship.

That is my prayer at least.

Almost eight years ago, I had a falling out with a friend and team member.  It sucked.  Probably the worst moment in my entire 20-year career of ministry.

Time has passed, and the anger has long since ceased but the burn is still there.  I’ve worked hard in my heart to turn my ‘enemy’ into someone I could truly pray for.  There is a reason Jesus calls us to pray for our enemies—it’s nearly impossible to keep someone in ‘enemy status’ in our minds when we actively pray blessing for them.  God has done a work in my heart where I can honestly say I want nothing but the best for them. But they don’t know that.

So I keep praying for that moment when God allows reconciliation to happen.  Forgiveness is a tricky thing.  I don’t really know how to go about it when it doesn’t flow two ways.  I don’t know how to do it when the open door doesn’t present itself. I only know to work on my own heart and ask God to help guide me through this process and allow it to come to fruition.

I can’t say I’m great at forgiveness.  I’m actually pretty bull-headed, stubborn, proud and resistant to admitting fault. I don’t like being wrong, especially when I’m not! Ha!  I can list a million reasons why it’s always someone else’s fault and feel completely justified in taking zero action in moving toward reconciliation.

I’m so glad that even in our stubborn, bull-headed and proud states, God continues to work with us and call us to deeper places of His love!

Leah Carolan
Director of Worship & Media

Did you enjoy this article? Let us know.

Forgiveness Can Be Hard

Forgiveness can be hard to offer! Especially when you have to forgive yourself. Parenting at church has challenged me to offer forgiveness to myself– week after week. Let me explain. The average Sunday morning rolls around and we prepare to attend church with our kids.  I have grand expectations about how my children should sit quietly during the service. They will entertain themselves with the two overflowing bags of goodies that I’ve deliberately packed the night before:  magnet dolls, crackers, crayons, finger puppets, Cheerios, books, toy cars, granola bars, wooden lacing shapes, white boards, etc. However, enter the real world Sunday morning at church and both kids are crying, darting through the chair rows, running on stage, crawling underneath the chairs, throwing toys at the poor family behind us, and grinding all those snacks into dust using only their fingers.

Many Sunday mornings I’ve had to take a deep breath (or three) and offer myself forgiveness that my children are not perfectly behaved during church. This forgiveness did not originate with me though. I’ve learned to be kind to myself through the forgiveness and love I’ve received from other church-goers. (And they’ve learned that forgiveness from Jesus who offered it freely to all of us.) The elderly woman who comments, “I love watching your kids dance and be happy to be at church.” The parent who is one step ahead of me in parenting, “I miss my kids crawling under the chairs. Man, I never would have said that 5 years ago.”  The church staff member who catches my eye, nods, and chases after my child as he runs away for the third (yes, third) time. That simple nod told me to sit down, listen to the sermon, and know that my child was being cared for. The couple who purposely finds me after the service to offer a kind, “You’re doing a great job!  You’re teaching your kids to worship corporately and that’s a huge gift.” So, even when some Sundays I don’t feel like it, I remember to offer myself forgiveness.

Cathy Poole
Children’s Ministry

Did you enjoy this article? Let us know.

Stuck Between an Offense and Forgiveness

I dreaded writing an article on forgiveness because I’ve got some un-forgiveness being harbored in my heart. I put this article writing off until the last minute. When I finally started writing, I checked social media a dozen times.

I’ve got a lot of hard heart-work to do in this area. Or rather, I’ve got a fist to unfurl.

If I’m being honest, the lack of forgiveness is causing me to have anxiety and a dreary attitude. As Marshall Segal writes on the ‘Desiring God’ blog, “Much of our confusion and misery in life is due to our underestimating (or ignoring altogether) the enemy of our souls.” 

But I’m stuck in the in-between. I’m beyond the initial hurt, but haven’t yet made it to the forgiving. My heart is headed that direction, but then the devil reminds me of all the reasons I have to be offended. As I sit in the middle of the matter, energy is stolen from my parenting and my marriage and my ministry (none of which were the offending party).

Segal tells me that, “Forgiveness outwits Satan, and forgiveness subverts his wickedness.”

Of course it “so happens” that I’m studying the book of Ephesians right now in my small group, which is a call for unity.

I will make it to real forgiveness with the Holy Spirit’s help. This article is a stepping stone in the right direction as I remind myself what is at stake.

I’m certain that on the other side of forgiveness is peace, joy, and love. Letting go of the poison of unforgiveness will allow my heart to experience the health I’m ultimately seeking.

Lindsey Ungs
Connection & Communication Architect

Did you enjoy this article? Let us know.

Forgive Like a 3-Year-Old

“He took my toy, Miss Kris”, I hear shouted across the room.  “He took it!  Miss Kris, he took my toy.”  Boy, have I heard this phrase a lot in my classroom over the years!

I teach three-year-old preschool. Three-year-olds come with a set of eyes that are only fixed on their own path. They do not see other students in the room. They see a toy they want, and they see nothing else until they get it.

We teach social skills in preschool, although COVID-19 has made it mighty difficult.  We ask the kids to “share” and “take turns” and “watch the person in front of you.”  I have learned though, that most three-year-olds are in their own bubble. Most three-year-old kids have one thing in common…a short memory. When a toy is being disputed over, after the problem has been dealt with, most kids just let it be, they do not carry a grudge.

I have decided recently that I want to forgive and forget like a three-year-old. Really, though, would it not be great if everyone was able to forgive like a three-year-old.  Most of them, (although it must be initiated by a teacher) will forgive at the drop of a hat. Someone says sorry and the other one says OK. They move on and forget.

You see, you can distract almost any three-year-old with “something else” to play with. Before you know it, if you hype it up enough, the toy they thought they wanted is a thing of the past and they will be pushing everyone out of their way to the new toy!  As an adult when someone takes my toy, although let us be honest…it is never a toy.  It is usually a feeling or an event that hurts me.  I want justification. Unfortunately, adults do not always redirect like three-year-olds can.

I pray that Jesus will rest in my heart and remind me that events are in the past, there is no going back to doing it differently. The real trick is how I handle it right now and how that will affect my future. I am determined to learn as much as I can from my three-years-olds. I am learning to “redirect myself” when I’m feeling like I need an apology. After all, Jesus forgives me the minute I ask for it.

Kris Crowther
Director of Noah’s Ark Preschool

Did you enjoy this article? Let us know.

Choose ‘Cultivate-Culture’ Over ‘Cancel-Culture’

What is cancel-culture? Ask a young adult or teen for their definition! This is a familiar part of their culture. Wikipedia defines it as “a modern form of ostracism in which someone is thrust out of social or professional circles – either online on social media, in the real world, or both. Those who are subject to this ostracism are said to be ‘canceled.”’  This cancel-culture allows people to feel justified in attacking people with which they disagree. In fact it dehumanizes them. If they believe ______, then I will have nothing to do with them.

God calls us to be different. He calls us to “love your enemies” (Matt. 5:44) Jesus himself prayed, “Father forgive them” (Luke 23:34) over those who were crucifying Him. This is the heart of cultivate-culture! Brothers and sisters, let us follow in Jesus’ footsteps. Let us glorify God by being counter-cultural in the way we value people, forgive people, and refuse to cancel those with which we disagree. Instead, we pray for them. We cultivate instead of cancel. Cultivate means to prepare the ground before planting to increase growth. Therefore cultivate-culture means to recognize that God wants to prepare everyone’s heart to receive the truth of the gospel, and bear fruit of the Spirit. The very people who hurt us, like us, NEED Jesus to cultivate their hearts. First our hearts are cultivated for the seed of the Gospel to take root, but then, for the tree of faith to bear fruit. Jesus teaches us cultivate-culture in an unusual parable:

⁶ And he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. ⁷ And he said to the vinedresser, ‘Look, for three years now I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I find none. Cut it down. Why should it use up the ground?’ ⁸ And he answered him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure. ⁹ Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.’” Luke 13:6-9

So, when you are tempted to “cancel” someone because they have hurt you, remember that God created them. Jesus died for them. Who are you to chop down their tree? Jesus would rather you get your hands dirty and shovel some manure instead!

Steve Poole
Director of Youth & Young Adults

What did you think of this article? Let us know.