JUNE 2020

The Easter Stage No One Saw

Last week, I had the task of tearing down the decorations from our Easter stage.  Easter fell right after the beginning of closures due to the pandemic.  Because I had already purchased the decorations for our stage, I decorated the stage anyway thinking it might make a nice back drop for the live feed.

But last week, I tore it down. It was strangely emotional. At first I was sad that no one really saw it and then it quickly became a symbol of all the changes thrown at our church over the last couple of months. And then I was angry. I’ll be honest—there were times when I was ripping down green vines and not doing so ‘gently’ and I didn’t care.  Up and down the ladder I climbed, throwing vines around, tossing fabric in piles, pulling out nails with a vengeance and chucking props across the stage with all the might I could muster. I just wanted it down and off the stage.  For good.  It was the stage no one saw.

This stage has made me doubt my leadership.  Who was I apart from leading on this stage? How do I lead without my people? Where are they? And why do I feel so very alone? The role I’ve stepped into for the last 12 years is now extremely different and I’m not even sure how to function.

So I’ll be honest—I’m over here slightly floundering. I’m pretty much miserable and down.  I just want things back the way they were.  Our home life is different, my kids’ lives are different, and my crazy introversion and lack of people skills has become more evident than ever.

I don’t know how to lead through this change.

Change is never easy, but the rate at which things are changing now seems to come in floods and giant waves week-to-week.

So this song’s got a hold on me lately.  I’ve heard it for years, but suddenly the words are speaking loud and clear to my little tormented heart:

So I wonder—how are you? Let me know – judgement free.

Leah Carolan
Director of Worship & Media

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